


A Dead Thing

by RamsesAndromeda



Category: Destiny (Video Games)
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, F/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:48:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25763188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RamsesAndromeda/pseuds/RamsesAndromeda
Summary: It's not unheard of for a Guardian to turn to the Darkness. It happens more than the Vanguard would like to admit. The Darkness is tempting, it swells with power the closer I get. Like a magnet pulling me in. My mind thinks of Dredgen Yor, of Eris Morn. Of Pujari and the words we gleamed from his dead ghost, "You are a dead thing made by a dead power in the shape of the dead. All you will ever do is kill. You do not belong here."And I feel like I do not belong here.A slowburn, angsty, tragedy about the journey my Guardian takes with Asher Mir.Might require a bit of lore understanding to grasp the full impact of some scenes.
Relationships: Asher Mir/Original Character(s), Female Guardian/Asher Mir
Kudos: 4





	1. Slow Dancing

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written a fanfiction before so please be gentle.  
> Also I've never used this site before, but this is an ongoing series. I know that there could be some issues with the way her mutism is perceived but please give it until chapter 3 before you judge too harshly. I'm still new at this.
> 
> Thank you for reading!

** Chapter One - Slow Dancing **

There is a light. It's small, and far away, but blindingly bright. I can't help but to reach out, to try and find an end to this crippling loneliness, to leave this wretched place.

  
I stretch as hard and as far as I can, but I cannot reach it. And suddenly I'm falling - falling down. Or falling up? There is nothing but darkness here, so there is no direction. Up is down. Down is Left. Left is Right. Nothing makes sense here, and the only thing I know is how alone I am. And, now, that I am falling.

  
Perhaps I will fall forever? Never hitting ground, never stopping. Just endlessly falling. I close my eyes and feel the wind whip around me, memorizing the sensation of my hair stinging my face as it flails about wildly. And, suddenly, as I'm falling I hear a voice. It's so faint I almost miss it the first time. It grows louder and louder, until I can finally make out it's words. A man's voice, but it has a mechanical bite to it. "eyes up, Guardian."

  
I'm jolted awake once those words are spoken. It's that dream again. The dream of my awakening, of my resurrection. The voice is my Ghost's, who I affectionately call Nol. He has always been with me, since the beginning. My first memory is of his voice. His voice, and the crippling darkness. Nol is my best friend, and since I cannot speak _he_ is my voice. I'm not sure why, but since my resurrection I have lost the ability to speak. Other Guardians can, and do, but I cannot. Or, rather, maybe that's not correct. I _could_ speak. I think. I can laugh and make sounds, but whenever I try to say words they just don't form. I managed to talk only once, to thank Nol for everything he does for me. But even then my voice was weak, strained, and quiet.

  
I wish I could speak, but Nol helps with that. Always there to say what I wish I could, though sometimes he does go overboard with the sass.

  
I lay in bed, the room nearly pitch black, and heave a sigh. Beside me Nol hums to life,  
"Can't sleep, Guardian?"  
I shake my head, and sit upright.  
"Would you like me to provide a light source so you can write some more?"  
I smile and pat the top of his chassis, affirming his question. He flits his way into the small kitchen/dining room and I move to follow.

  
I may not be able to speak, but I have been keeping an ongoing journal since my resurrection. I like to look back at memorable moments: the people I meet, the enemies I defeat, and my interactions with the civilians of this city. And for recordkeeping. Perhaps one day when I'm finally gone someone will find them and remember me fondly. Perhaps someone I love will read them, and finally realize how I feel about them.

  
I'm snapped out of my train of thought by a loud knock at my door.

  
That's strange. It's an odd hour for visitors. Most of the city is asleep, though us Guardians tend to always be buzzing about. We don't need as much rest as normal people; our light helps to keep us going when most others would die of exhaustion. That being said we do tend to spend a lot of our downtime resting and recovering to compensate.

  
I make my way through my modest home, worry nagging at my chest. Needless to say, I did not expect to see Commander Zavala standing at my door.

  
" _Guardian_ ," he looks around sheepishly, "it's late. I'm sorry if I have disturbed you."  
I step back and gesture for him to come in, but he holds up a firm hand, as if to tell me he doesn't have time.  
"Zavala? What are you doing here? You've never visited us at our home." Nol says.  
"Sorry about that again. This is _urgent_ , our coms may be compromised, so I came in person," Zavala says, "Something is happening on Io, we're getting big readings near Echo Mesa. Something about an Axis Mind. We were communicating with Asher Mir when the coms were hijacked, and we need feet on the ground." He pauses long enough to gauge my reaction, "Go to Io and investigate what's going on, and make sure our Gensym Scribe is alive."

  
We don't get even a moment to respond before Zavala disappears into the night.  
"Well," Nol starts, "Suit up. We're going to Io."

  
It takes me but a moment to don my armor, and grab my guns, then get to my ship. The jump to Io is a short one, thanks to Amanda and this Golden Age technology, we're able to transport between planets in a matter of moments. This makes keeping an eye on potential threats easy, and stopping them easier.  
But to hijack our communications and block all signals takes a special kind of planning. One I'm not sure the Vex would be able to do all on their own.

  
I arrive at my normal landing location in The Rupture, next to where Asher Mir is normally prattling about doing his research. The sky is dark and there is an eerie silence. Quickly, I run up to where I usually find Asher, and he's not there.  
"Oh _no_ ," Nol exclaims gravely. "Is Asher okay? Where did he go? I don't think I've ever seen him anywhere but here-"  
Before Nol is able to finish his sentence a low hiss comes from a small cavern behind Asher Mir's research station.

"Assistant! Over here!"

It's definitely Asher's voice, but tinged with a sense of urgency. I look around to make sure we're not being watched before crouching down and entering the cavern. The entrance is small, but once you're inside, it opens up quite a lot. There are stalagmites and stalactites all around, as well as a small pool of bright blue liquid at the far end. In front of me is Asher Mir, his Vex arm twitching wildly. He's pacing quickly, stopping only to acknowledge my presence.  
  
"Assistant, it's about time you showed up!" He barks, "I've been waiting for you for hours! You have to _fix_ this!"  
"What exactly is going on, Asher?" Nol asks.  
"An Axis Hydra of unknown affiliation. It's seeking the Traveller's Light at Echo Mesa, and laying waste to everything in it's path! I haven't seen one this big since...well ever!" Asher exclaims. "You have to stop it, it'll suck this planet dry!"  
"Got it,! We'll do our best. Stay here," Nol says, "with your Ghost like that.... you can't come back."  
  
As if he needed reminding.

  
I give Asher a long look and he holds my gaze. I see fear, anxiety and anger all at once in his eyes. He trusts me because he has no other choice. I gently put my hand on his shoulder to reassure him and he brushes it off curtly. "I don't need your pity. Just go!" He turns his back to us and we make our way out of the cave.

  
It's still scarily silent outside. The sky is dark, and on my way to the Cradle I am met with no enemies. No Taken where there would normally be patrols, no Vex to hold their ground. No Vex to keep me from marching down there and taking that Hydra's head.  
"This...makes me uneasy," Nol says, "It's so...quiet. And there aren't any enemies at all. You'd think that a big, bad Axis Hydra would bring an army of Vex with it, but I don't see any. And I don't have any readings of any." His tone is cautious, unsure, and it reflects my own uneasiness.

"Wait! There it is-" Nol exclaims as we crest the precipice of Echo Mesa, overlooking the Cradle where the Traveller once rested. "There's a huge power reading in the center of the Cradle! But it seems to be emanating from only one source-"  
He doesn't have to say it. I can feel the darkness leaking out from within the intricate structures below. It's dark tendrils caressing the recesses of my mind, beckoning me in. I take a step over the threshold and Nol senses something is wrong.

  
It's not unheard of for a Guardian to turn to the Darkness, it happens more than the Vanguard would like to admit. The Darkness is tempting, it swells with power the closer I get, like a magnet pulling me in. My mind thinks of Dredgen Yor, of Eris Morn. Of Pujari and the words we gleamed from his dead ghost: "You are a dead thing made by a dead power in the shape of the dead. All you will ever do is kill. You do not belong here."

  
_And I feel like I do not belong here._

  
Nol frantically tries to stop me from continuing but I can't hear him. I can't hear anything but the ringing in my ears.  
As I reach the fringe of the Cradle, I feel a tinge of Light. I also feel an ocean of Darkness. As I maneuver around it's city-like structure, I am called to the center where within rests the great Axis Hydra. Beside me, Nol is frantically trying to get my attention.

  
The Hydra turns to face me, but it makes no move to attack. It feels... benevolent? I step towards it, a hand outstretched, and though the machine does not truly have eyes, I feel it watching me. My vision blurs as my hand makes contact with it's cool metal exterior, and I see an image:

  
Brakion.

  
_Genesis Mind_.

  
And all around him are Guardians - most of them dead; all of them mangled flesh and machine.  
But Brakion is dead! I made sure I ripped his arm off for Asher when he fell. So why am I seeing this? Is this the past? Brakion moves slightly and I am able to see who he is experimenting on, and I feel all of the blood drain from my face.

  
_It's me_.  
I'm laying there on his...operating table, my lower half has been machinoformed, and I'm completely unconscious. But how? He's dead- I killed him- I ripped his arm off-  
I feel panic start to set in but before my thoughts go any further, I'm jolted out of my stupor by an impact at my side. I look down to see Nol, he's just slammed his body into me to try and get my attention.  
I look back up at the Axis Hydra, the biggest I've ever seen, as it's core glows a blinding red.

  
I'm able to fall back quickly enough, but some of the splash damage from it's Aeon Maul knocks away my overshield. I quickly put up my light barrier to defend my back as I run for cover. This is bad.  
I look to Nol as he speaks, "I'm glad you snapped out of that! I really want to know what happened, but we can figure that out later! Right now you need to suppress that thing before it finishes whatever it's doing!!"  
I nod, finally regaining my composure, and pull out my ol' faithful Auto Rifle: Suros Regime. I've had this baby since my awakening, it was my first exotic, and I've been using her since. She's never let me down and it remains true as I take aim at the Hydra and fire off 33 rounds into it's critspot. That's all I could manage before it's great overshield rotates to protect it.

  
I weaken it from afar until I'm nearly out of ammo, and as I take aim with my trusty Sins of the Past launcher, I notice I have hardly done _anything_ to it. Well, these rockets should fix that! Thank the Traveller for cluster bombs because without them the damage would have been hardly noticeable.  
How strong is that thing?  
From a safe distance I continue to chip away at it, dodging around the arena and taking cover when necessary, until I'm _completely_ out of ammunition. Normally I can gleam some from whatever enemies are nearby, but since it's just me and this Hydra, I'm shit out of luck.  
"We have to run, we're out of everything!" there is real fear in Nol's voice.

  
But where can I go?

  
I book it the second it turns away from me. I don't look back and by the time I'm back at The Rupture I realize it hasn't followed me. I duck into the cave and collapse on the damp ground. My head is aching and above me Asher Mir starts questioning Nol about what happened. He tells Asher about the Hydra, the lack of forces, it's immense health, and that I blacked out while touching it.  
I want to tell him about Brakion, but between my gasps for air and the splitting pain in my head, I can't make the words form. Typical.

  
Frustration bubbles up in my throat and anxiety gnaws at my gut. He _needs_ to know, but I can't tell him. Nol has no idea what I saw. I don't know what I saw, either, to be fair. An alternative world line? The future? My head is spinning and I feel like I'm losing grip with reality. I close my eyes tightly, trying to figure myself out, when I feel a pressure on my shoulder. I look up and Asher is kneeling in front of me. There is a certain expression in his eyes that I can't place at the moment.  
"Assistant, what did you see?"  
_Right_ , he's been studying the Vex since long before I was awoken. If I could tell him, I'm sure he could help me figure out what happened; what I saw. I stare back into his bright blue eyes and for a moment I feel calm. I open my mouth to try and speak and we are both thrown to the ground by the earth shaking.

  
"Asher, Guardian, we have to go. That Hydra is coming for us, and I think it's angry!" Nol says, frantically buzzing around us.  
I start to panic. I can't let it get here! If Asher dies, he's dead. We have no idea if his Ghost can bring him back, and I'm not willing to find out. If anything happens to him, it's _my_ fault and this realization instantly solidifies a plan in my mind.  
I look to him and to Nol, pleading with them to understand. I gesture to the tunnel leading away from the main cavern and push them both towards it.

  
"We can't leave you here!" Nol shouts. "I can't leave you here to die without me!"  
"Actually," Asher starts, " if she stays and holds it off while you and I make a run for it, we can come back after it leaves and resurrect her properly. It might be the only way we all survive this."  
"But-" Nol starts to argue but he's cut off by Asher's strict tone.  
"If you stay with her, you both die for real! I can't let that happen to you, or to me. My research is much too important, _and_ she's protected by the Traveller, she'll be okay. Won't you Assistant?" He turns to face me, and I nod.

  
They both make haste to the tunnel leading away just as the Axis Hydra breaks down the entrance to the cavern. I stand stalwart in front of it. This is not the first time I've braved a great foe alone. I am a Titan afterall. It's my job to protect people, and right now Asher is the one who needs me. Despite his occasional pointed words about us, I'm sure right now he's glad I'm here.  
  
Without hesitation I activate my Ward of Dawn at the entrance to the tunnel they disappeared down, to keep them from getting hit by any splash damage. I look up at the great Hydra before me, and without any ammo, I know I'm going to die here.

  
That's okay. I've died many times before. _I am a dead thing._

  
I just hope that once it's killed me it'll go back to what it was doing so that my ghost can come and save me. Without Nol, I'm nothing more than a human. Without the Light, I'm as good as dead. I feel a tingle of the darkness somewhere on the fringes of my mind, but quickly block it out as I hurl a magnetic grenade right at the Hydra's core. I run for cover behind a stalactite and get caught by some splash damage from it's Aeon Maul. My health drops dangerously low, without Nol here I cannot regenerate.

  
I take a deep breath and make my final stand.


	2. in the Dark

Here I am, alone again. Back in the darkness. It's just like before: nebulous, chaotic. Floating in an endless sea, completely void of anything but loneliness and emptiness. Usually when I die, I don't get much time to stay here before I'm brought back, but this time is different. This time I might not get to go back.   
I pull my knees to my chest and rest my head on them, wound up tightly like this, I feel safer somehow. I float through space and all I can do is hope that Asher and Nol are safe. Maybe, if they don't get back to me in time, Nol will become Asher's ghost and he can continue his research without fear. And, maybe, find a cure for his arm.  
  
And I remember the vision of my body on Brakion's table. Of my legs being replaced with machine. Of my flesh grotesquely melding with cold metal, and I shiver, and squeeze myself tighter. I feel anxious. I hope, briefly, that maybe I can cease to exist. Then I won't have to worry so much, but I linger on that thought for far too long.  
  
My mind goes to the Vanguard now. To Zavala, Ikora, and the late Cayde. My mentors, my teachers, my friends. I think of my old fireteam, and how badly I miss them. I haven't spoken to JP-02 or Crimzon since they retired. I'm stuck for a moment on imagining where they are, what they're doing, before my mind drifts then to Saint-14. I remember how glad I am to be able to speak with him, as I've always been a Defender. As I've always used his helmet. I wish I could spend more time with him.  
Now I think about Brakion again. What was that vision? Something is so off about it, and I can't figure it out. Why was I shown that? Whas it a warning? The memory of killing Brakion flashes through my mind; Asher's genuine gratitude when I brought him Brakion's arm.   
  
I died then, too. During the fight with Brakion. But I had Crimzon and JP-02 to resurrect me. Not this time. This time I'm alone, and I died to protect Asher and Nol. It didn't have to be Asher Mir, specifically. I would have given my life for anyone. That's what I'm here for. That's why I'm a Titan. But a part of me is glad it was him, in some strange way.   
  
I don't know why, but I've always been fond of Asher Mir. Sure, he's rough around the edges, but I understand why. He's dying. He's losing everything to the machines that fascinate him. He pushes everyone away because he cannot stand to be vulnerable. He is prickly, because he knows nobody can help him but himself. And he knows his time is running out. My heart aches for him with empathy. I understand that loneliness. I, too, have been afraid to be close to others because of all the danger I attract; I never wish to be the cause of anyone else's pain.  
  
Since my old fireteam retired, I haven't found anyone new. I've been completely solo, and that loneliness is similar to right now. For a moment I entertain the thought of Asher and I sharing in that loneliness.   
"Guardian!" It's Asher's voice. There's a twinge of urgency to it, though. I'm barely conscious when I'm yanked up, and suddenly I'm being carried. My eyes focus just in time to look up at Asher Mir, who is carting me with surprising ease through a dark tunnel. We must still be on Io judging by the sulphuric color of the walls.   
  
"She's awake! And Alive!" I hear Nol exclaim somewhere behind us.  
Not a moment later I hear a grating mechanical screeching from behind us, too, and I realize we're still in danger. I start to struggle, to urge Asher to let me down but he holds steady.   
"Don't worry, Assistant, I'll carry you. You're not that burdensome - for a Titan," Asher says, his eyes fixed ahead of us as he continues to rush through a maze of tunnels. I can't help but blush slightly at this situation. Never I would have dreamed that he'd be the one carrying me to safety. I wrap my arms around him a little tighter, and allow myself to enjoy the feeling of being saved for once.   
  
It's hard to remember we're in so much danger with him being so close. The metal of his Vex arm is hard against my body, but the flesh of his Awoken arm is incredibly warm. I can't help the heat creeping up my neck.  
It doesn't take long before we're on the outskirts of Echo Mesa; far far away from where the Axis Hydra lurks. Huffing, Asher Mir gently sets me down, and collapses next to me. I watch him intently as he catches his breath. I realize they both put themselves in danger to resurrect me. They could have died permanently, and even though I know it's foolish and reckless, my heart swells.   
  
Asher's gaze rises to meet mine, a war of emotions flash in his eyes and he opens his mouth to speak.  
"Stupid," I say. My own voice shocks me. It's soft, barely audible, and the second thing I've ever said. I don't know why I am able to say it, but I hope it gets my point across.   
Asher's eyes grow wide and Nol is in stunned silence.   
"I didn't know you could speak, Assistant!" Asher barks, but there is a tinge of something else in his voice.   
"She can't," Nol retaliates, "Not really. She's only spoken once before, to me. Despite testing, nobody can figure out why she won't talk."  
"That's odd..." Asher starts, "I wonder if it's a trait from her past life? You know that can happen sometimes when Guardians are born. We have no memories of our lives from before, but sometimes certain traits will endure."  
"I think she _wants_ to talk," Nol says, "I just don't think she really knows how."  
  
I look at both of them and instantly regret saying anything. My ears get hot and I stand up, looking at Nol expectantly if not indignantly.  
"Right. We can't really stay here," Nol says, "I know you've been content to stay on Io, Asher, but it's not safe right now."  
There's an emotion that flickers across Asher's face, but it's gone as quickly as it appears. I think it might have been...fear?  
"I don't want to go to the City." Asher says gruffly, "I don't want to meet with the Vanguard. I don't want to be around anyone else."  
"Asher, you can't stay here." Nol argues, but before they can keep bickering, I gently grab the bottom of Asher's sleeve, giving it a slight tug as he whips around to gawk at me.  
He doesn't pull away but I can tell he doesn't know what to do with it, so I tug it again. I motion for him to follow me, and he does so, begrudgingly.  
  
"What do you want, Assistant." It wasn't a question, "I'm not going to Earth with you. I'll stay here and keep an eye on things-" but he's cut off by the look I give him. He's coming with me. With that Hydra around nobody is safe here. We need backup if we're going to shoo it away, but we still don't even know what it wants here. It doesn't matter if it's Asher, or Devrim, or Sloane. I wouldn't let anyone stay here with such a threat nearby.  
And I think he gets the idea. At least, he stops protesting. Actually, it's the quietest I've seen Asher in a long time. And Nol, for that matter. Neither of them speak as I lead them to where we landed the ship.  
Somehow, the mood is quite somber, and I remember that Asher was prepared to stay on Io for the rest of his life. That he never planned on leaving. He was ready to die at the Pyramidion; he was ready to die for his research. But I won't let that happen today!  
  
Once we get on board, Asher breaks his silence.  
"I want you to know I am not _comfortable_ with this."  
Neither me nor Nol reply.  
"I don't want to leave Io like this. All my research could fall into the hands of any hooligan and it'd be all your fault, are you willing to accept that responsibility, Assistant?"  
I spare a sidelong glance at Asher before returning my focus on piloting.  
"I'm not going for my sake," he says, "But because I want to know what happened to you back there. Your Ghost filled me in on your....episode. What did the mind show you?" he questions. I don't have an answer.  
I try, I really try to tell him. But all that comes out when I open my mouth is a sigh.   
  
"Guardian," Nol chimes in, "In order for us to stop that thing, we might have to know what happened to you. I know you don't like talking, but you've shown you're able to! We need to know what happened..."  
All I can do is focus on piloting as we make the jump from Io to Earth. I want to tell them, but everytime I try to speak there's like a barrier I can't break through. Something is holding me back, but I don't know what it is. The image of my body on Brakion's table returns to me, and at the same time a splitting pain shoots through my skull.   
It's all I can do not to cry out as I double over just as we land at the tower.  
  
My vision goes white from the pain. It isn't normal pain. Bullets don't hurt like that, besides, I can heal from them. I'm not healing from this. The pain isn't stopping. I can't help but to let out a small whimper as I collapse in a heap in the Courtyard. I hear Nol shouting for Zavala, and strong arms envelope me, unfurling my body to examine me. With every movement white hot pain shoots through my head, and I cry out.  
"You'll be alright," I hear Zavala's baritone voice say as I black out.  
  
  
\---  
  


How many times will I dream of the darkness? It's starting to get old. I don't make to open my eyes, or look around this time. I know what's here, so there's no point. Sometimes this dream ends with my Awakening, sometimes there is no ending, just the feeling of empty numbness. Like there's something I lost, but I don't remember what it is, or how to find it. It's the kind of emptiness that only comes once something is taken away; not as if something had never been there. The kind of emptiness that leaves you with nothing but a dull ache and longing, except you don't even know what you're missing.   
  
I try to distract myself from that thought by remembering the vision from the Axis Hydra, but for some reason I can't recall it. The emptiness consumes every part of me. It's all I can think about, and I long for what's missing. I wish I could find it. I wish....  
My body jolts awake, and I'm staring at a stark white ceiling. At least it must have been at some point, before the collapse. I'm sure it's a miracle it's still in such good condition, and that the electricity still works as well as it does. With that thought I realize where I am: the infirmary.   
As I start to come back to my senses, I'm aware of 3 things:  
1\. My hands are shaking. My whole body is shaking, actually, and I have no idea why. Guardians don't...quiver.  
2\. There is a sharp pain in my head, like someone is driving a hot poker through my brain. I would know, I've come back to life from worse than that.  
3\. Somebody is talking. It sounds kind of like Zavala, but my head is still foggy from dreaming.  
  
Everything feels heavy. My head, my hands despite their shaking, my body on this hard metal table, and my heart. I almost want to say something but I think better of even trying right now. I can't figure out why I feel so...so weak.  
  
"Yes but what can _we_ do? She can't even talk to tell us what happened, and you are not much help, Scribe," It's definitely Zavala. His voice is booming and distinct, even when he's calm. There's a reason he is Commander.  
"Do not spit your words at me, Titan!" This time it's Asher's voice, he sounds a fair bit more agitated than Zavala does, "One can only do so much when their entire body of research is being held captive by a...by a..."  
"Vex Super Mind?" Nol chimes in.  
"I wouldn't call it a _Super Mind_ , that's not even a real thing! Illogical and unhelpful!"  
"Asher, your equipment and research won't help us figure out what happened in that dream," this time it's Ikora, her cool voice of reason attempting to de-escalate the tension in the room.  
  
How many people are watching me sleep? And why is it so hard to move or speak? I wish I could tell them what happened. I wish I could show them the vision, maybe they'd have answers. I'm aware of more rebuttals and arguments from my compatriots, as I slowly manage to push myself into a sitting position. Even just that effort sends more pain shooting through my head.   
  
It takes a moment for anyone to notice me; Asher and Zavala are barking at each other with occasional interjects from Ikora. Nol is floating around them, spouting off rather funny one-liners, and beside me is an unexpected guest.  
She makes no noise, but watches the others without much interest. She acknowledges me when I sit up, but says nothing. She is Eris Morn. In her hands, a green glowing hive-orb.   
I wonder why she, of all people, is here. What she has to do with any of this, when Ikora finally notices me.  
  
"And while you two have been bickering, our dear Guardian has awoken," she says, turning to me.  
"Assistant-"  
"Guardian-"  
Both Asher and Zavala rush to either side of my make-shift hospital bed, and I look between them. Zavala's brow is knitted together at the center, a look of worry not hidden from his features. And Asher's face is lowered in a grimace, some unknown emotion flitting through his eyes.  
  
They both look very concerned for me. Or maybe they just want to know about the vision. It's hard to imagine either one of them fretting about, biting their nails over me.  
Ikora at least keeps her composure, and carefully guides Asher to the foot of my bed as she takes his place to my right. Eris Morn looks up at her from the chair she sits in, but doesn't make to move or speak.  
  
"Guardian, I know you can't speak, but we have to know what you saw in that vision. We have to reclaim Io, and figure out what that Mind wants," Ikora says, her honey eyes boring into mine, "that is why we have called Eris Morn here."  
As if they rehearsed it, Eris stands at the mention of her name, and addresses me. "Guardian, the Vanguard seems to think that I can see what you saw and relay the information to them. They are not wrong. However the procedure is not....comfortable."  
I look between them, and become even more aware at how badly my hands are shaking. Why won't they stop? I feel the heat creep up my neck as four pairs of eyes stare at me.  
  
"I know you aren't comfortable with that," it's Nol's turn to speak, "But, Guardian, we _have_ to know what's going on, and your vision could be the key to that. You've been through worse, and if anything happens I'm here." He gives me a soft nudge on my shoulder to reassure me.   
I look now to Zavala and Asher, where they stand at the end of the bed, and to my left respectively. I hope one of them will have an answer, or an alternative to some Hive-magic mind meld.  
  
Zavala does not speak, he only nods once in an affirmation.   
"Assistant, I trust Eris Morn. Perhaps she is one of the few people that could perform such an outlandishly ridiculous operation and get the predicted and promised end result. Besides me, of course, but I don't have the Hive's darkness-touched magic at my disposal. Perhaps if I did..." he trails off, his mind obviously wondering somewhere else, but quickly snapping back once Eris begins to speak.  
  
"Guardian, your lack of speech ...it _may_ be reversible once I enter your consciousness. If I find a way, would you like me to fix it?"  
"I don't know if she needs that..." Nol says from over my shoulder. "I mean, she gets on just fine without it."  
For a moment I consider it. If she finds a way to...fix...whatever is wrong with me, I should welcome it. I do welcome it. I think for a moment and cannot come up with any downsides to the potential.  
  
I nod at her. I know my expression is probably still rather confused and concerned but Ikora is right. We have to know what's going on, and that vision....it might have something to do with what's happening on Io. And if Brakion is still alive somewhere, I've got to stop him! Who knows what he could be doing to poor Guardians as I lay here, speechless and unable to tell anyone about it.   
  
" _Yes, Guardian_ ," she doesn't give pause, and puts both of her hands over my eyes. My vision is pure blackness, and I feel a thick, oily, ichor start to flood out of my tear-ducts and down my face. My mind goes numb, and I'm forced to remember back. Back to Io. Back to Gaul. Back to Oryx. Back to Crota. Back further and further, all the way to my Awakening. It's like watching my entire life in reverse, at hyperspeed.  
  
And then I hear it.


	3. Lovely

At first it comes as a whisper. So soft, I can't make out a word. Then it grows slowly in a crescendo, a melody. One that is painfully familiar, that I cannot remember. The voice is hauntingly beautiful, leaden with emotion as the words fill the air, backed only by a soft piano. If I try hard, I can make them out.

"Look up to the sky, and know," the voice sings. It's obviously a woman, though her pitch is lower than you'd expect, "I am still alive," She has a twinge of an accent in her voice, I can make it out only slightly. As if she's trying to cover it while singing, "Because you want me to be." I am captivated, and I wonder if Eris is, too. I can't see anything, and I wonder if she can. "Remember, my dear,"  
I feel a weight in my chest, and a tightness in my gut. I can't figure out what this feeling is. Why this song and this voice are so familiar. Why I'm feeling this heavy longing while listening. "You're strong, you're loved," And why not knowing hurts so bad. Why it's wrenching my heart as if it's being stabbed by hot needles over and over. "You're beautiful, so beautiful,"

And then my eyes open, and before me is a scene I have never seen before. Rows and rows of people, sitting attentively in front of me. Blindingly bright lights illuminating me and my surroundings. They're all around me, focusing on me, and the place I'm in is a huge open room, filled to the brim with people, and all eyes are on me. "And you belong here on Earth." I sing. 

It's me. It's my voice and my song. But I can't even speak, much less sing!

"I love you." The music fades and I reach up and blow kisses at the crowd. They burst into cheers and applause as the lights dim. Dozens of single roses are thrown at my feet and I bow deeply. Is this...is this my past life? Is this who I was before I died? I don't get to think much longer before I'm yanked through several flashes of forgotten memories. Of a forgotten life.

A quiet ride home in a pre-collapse vehicle, someone I love by my side, but I can't see their face. All I know is the passing of streetlights and the warmth of their hand in mine. 

Outside in the summer heat, a blue gingham blanket laid beneath me as a man and two children run around and play joyfully. He lifts the youngest one-a boy-over his head and spins the child around. A soft breeze kisses my skin and I welcome the coolness. The other child-a girl- bounds up to me excitedly.

I'm looking at myself in the reflection of a large mirror, a silky black dress clings perfectly to my body. Large, gentle hands reach around my to secure a pearl necklace around my neck, coming to rest on my shoulders. I look at him through the mirror and finally see his face. He's handsome, with dark brown slicked back hair. His eyes are an icy blue. Piercing, but the way he looks at me is soft. Warmth fills my body when he smiles at me.

We are sitting in a hospital room, the doctor in front of us hands us a piece of paper and when he reads it, his face drops. Just outside the door I can hear the sounds of children chatting with a nurse, who commends them for being patient. Without a word he hands me the paper and all I know are the crushing feelings of grief.

I'm sitting in front of a recording device. I'm making a small memento of us. He tells the recording things he wants me to remember. How much he loves me and our children. How much he wishes we could have a happy life. He asks me to sing his favorite song and I oblige, singing the song I recognize as the same on I sang on stage. The whole time he holds my hand.

He is laying in a hospital bed, our children surround us. There are 4 of them now, 3 boys and a girl. He looks much paler, and more fragile than in the past. The bridge of his nose much more pronounced now. The hollows of his cheeks much more obvious. He looks up at me, and gives me a soft smile. His hand squeezes mine and he tells me he loves me.

Me and the children are driving home. Dressed in all black. The car ride is somber, even the children are quiet. They might not fully understand what's going on, but they are empathetic enough to give a little space. I can't imagine how I'm going to go through this life without him. My mind is blank and I don't even see the large truck in front of us until everything goes black.

Then I'm swallowed by darkness again, and I relive the story of my awakening.   
And I'm fighting Oracles in the Vault of Glass.

I live through every moment as a Guardian. I see my old fireteam as if they're with me now. I remember the good times and the bad times as Eris navigates her way through my memories. Until finally we end up in Echo Mesa, and I'm at the mercy of the Axis Hydra. I relive the vision of Brakion and it still fills me with nothing but dread, and just as quickly as it began, I'm back in the present. 

Eris removes her hands from my eyes, the ichor staining her palms. I still feel it leaking down my face, but I don't make to wipe it away. Did she really just help me remember my past life? As a human? Before The Collapse? I'm stunned. My hands are shaking worse than before as Eris recounts only the Brakion vision to the room. She doesn't mention my past life. 

"Brakion," Eris starts and I'm not impervious to the change in Asher's demeanor. "He's...still alive somehow? No...He has....returned to this reality."  
"What?! Impossible!" Asher spits, "Our Guardian here made sure to put an end to that miscreant's inveritable reign of terror! How could he possibly-no, wait..." He corrects himself as his brow knits together, he draws his flesh hand up to his chin.   
"I suppose it could be possible if the Vex found a way to alter the space-time continuum enough to pull him from one dimension to this one. But why? Out of all the minds they could have chosen why was it Brakion?"

The room is silent as we all look to Asher. He doesn't seem to notice.  
"Or perhaps, they didn't thief him from another timeline: they duplicated him? The Vex just might be capable of that. We don't know the depths of their knowledge."  
"If Brakion is back from the dead, all we have to do is kill him again." Zavala says, puffing his chest out.  
"You've done it once," Ikora turns to me, "You can do it again, can't you, Guardian?"

Hopefully. But I don't have my fireteam. I don't know if I can do it alone and I'm not too keen on trying with people I've never worked with before.   
"Yes but...we don't know where our fireteam is," Nol says just as I think it. "We haven't heard from Whip-19 in months and Crim is retired doing who-knows-what. It's not like we can just waltz into the Pyramidion like the first time, and take him down."  
"I'm sure there are plenty of capable Guardians that would be more than happy to assist you," it's Ikora again. "Why I know I would be, if not for my Vanguard duties."

I shake my head.   
"If I go, I go alone," I say. Everyone around me looks at me, wide-eyed. It takes me a long moment to realize why.

"So delving that far into the past was the key," Eris says. She's still sitting in the chair to my right, cradling the green orb in her hands. I almost forgot she was there.   
"I'm not sure why, but being able to remember her previous life, even just momentarily, has helped her speak," Eris says, "Though I dare not delve that deep into just anyone's mind. It is incredibly dangerous."

"You remember your past life?" Nol exclaims beside me, "That's amazing! I don't think any Guardian could do that!"  
"Yes, but, it's unprecedented. And how that has any link to her speech is far beyond my understanding," Ikora says, "it would require much more research and I'm afraid we might not have that kind of time."  
"It's true," it's Zavala's turn to speak, "If Brakion is back and performing experiments on Guardians we have to stop him before it's too late. Our numbers are thin as it is, every Guardian is precious."

"But you all are missing the key component to all of this," Asher says from the foot of the bed.   
"It hasn't happened yet. Look at our dear Guardian here, she was the focus of the vision and she's still here, no machinoforming whatsoever. That means we're still early. The vision was a blessing, they might not have even brought him over yet. Or cloned him. Or whatever it is they're planning on doing."  
"That means we can still stop it." It's hard to read Asher's expression. He looks determined, but also worried. Or is it anxious? This whole thing can't be easy for him. We all thought that chapter was closed for good; and he had his revenge. But if the Vex are planning on bringing Brakion back to continue the machinoforming experiments, and on Guardians no less, then we'll have to stop him. It has to be bringing back painful memories for Asher.

"I won't let any more people suffer as I have," he says quietly, his gaze tracing the hard lines of his Vex arm.

There's a moment of silence before Ikora turns to me again, "How is your head? You collapsed when you got here, but we couldn't figure out anything was wrong."  
I nod, and open my mouth to speak. The words come out strained. My body isn't used to this, so it hurts a bit, but I do my best.  
"I had a flashback to the vision," I say. The people in the room, including Nol, hang onto my every word. My voice sounds a lot like it did in life, slightly deeper for a woman, smooth and soft. "I think I'm okay now."

"Apologies, Guardian, but we need to figure out what that Hydra wants with Io, and how it's connected with Brakion's return," Zavala says to my left. He places a firm hand on my forearm to reassure me his well intentions.  
"Yes, and I'd like to return to Io to gather a few essential pieces of research that could aid us in triumphing," Asher says.  
"I'll prepare you a place to set up," Ikora says to Asher, "welcome home." She moves to leave, but pats his shoulder amicably before exiting.

"I'll get some scouts on site on Io to see exactly what's going on there and report back in a few hours," Zavala says, leaving briskly without another word.  
"And I have my duties to return to on the moon, however I will aid as much as I can," Eris says, standing beside me, "However my expertise is not on the Vex so I do not think there is anything I can do."  
She moves to leave but I catch the hem of her armor. She looks down at me expectantly.  
"Thank you," I say. Talking is a little easier this time. Eris doesn't say anything, but she nods before leaving. Asher watches her carefully as she goes.

I forget sometimes they're actually friends. Kindred spirits, focused on learning more about the aliens that have corrupted them. I wonder, if in another lifetime, they could have been even something like lovers. There is no doubt about their chemistry, though every ounce of that is clouded by grief and hyper-focus.  
I shake the thoughts from my head and move to leave the hospital bed as Asher makes his way to me. It's just us now. Asher, Nol, and myself.

He stands in front of me and I look up to him. His expression softens a bit and he pulls the chair over to sit in. Now we're eye level, and I'm suddenly acutely aware of just how piercingly blue his are. I'll never get tired of Awoken features. I am fascinated and in awe of them, and their history. I'm merely human, myself, and I've never considered myself particularly interesting in that regard. So now, face to face with Asher, I get to really see what makes them beautiful.  
I don't get much time to stare before he starts to speak.

"I am glad you're alright, Assistant," he says quietly. "However I do have concerns with the way the Hydra reached out to you, do you mind if I do my own examination? It will only take a moment, I just want to make sure there are no...." He trails off, but I know the words he won't say.  
"That's fine," I say.

"Hey, now!" Nol exlaims, "Just what kind of examination do you have in mind? You're not planning on anything unsavory are you, Asher Mir?"  
Asher makes a noise of disgust, "Do you really think so lowly of me, Ghost? It is merely out of concern for my Assistant's wellbeing, if perhaps that foul Mind got it's nasty machinery into her head I'd like to be aware, maybe we could fix it before it gets..." He gestures to his arm.

"Nol," I start, "it's okay. I trust him. After everything we've been through I doubt it's anything like that." Nol huffs and phases out, leaving me alone with Asher. Well, we aren't truly alone, Nol is always with me. But I think he's trying to give me some privacy. He usually does when I'm doing private things, like bathing, or changing. He's nothing if not respectful, which I appreciate. It's nice having someone always looking out for you, but sometimes I just want a moment alone. I'm always grateful for Nol though, he seems to know when I need space.

"He acts like I'm undressing you," Asher mumbles. I laugh softly in response and he gives me a strange look for a moment.

"Insignificant!" He brushes it off, "Give me the hand with which you touched the Hydra." He extends his awoken hand. I oblige him, gently resting my palm on his. If I had a moment I might blush at the close proximity but he doesn't give me that moment. Asher twists my hand over, thoroughly examining it, but never once reaching out with his metal arm. He's surprisingly deft with just the one limb, however. He must be used to only using it for certain tasks. I'm kind of glad he doesn't touch me with his Vex hand, though not for any remarkable reason. It's just cold in this hospital room, and without everyone's eyes on me, and without my armor, I feel a chill blow through me.

Asher must have noticed the goosebumps because he looks up at me through his eyelashes. "Are you cold, Assistant?" His voice is a low grumble, he's probably devoting more brain power to examining my hand than anything else at the moment, though pleasantries aren't lost on him.  
"It's just a bit chilly without my armor," I say. It occurs to me that the accent I heard in my voice before is gone. I couldn't place it to begin with but it was obviously there. I wonder if the resurrection had anything to do with losing it? Asher doesn't say anything, just a small grumble of agreement. His eyes trace every line of my palm, every segment of each finger, and once he's satisfied he straightens my arm. He reaches out with his Vex hand to support my elbow but stops just short of touching me.

"Ah," he lets the hand fall, resting it in his lap. It's as if for a moment he forgot about the metal, and thought at the last moment not to touch me with it.

"It's okay," I say holding his gaze once he looks up at me again.   
"You said you were cold," Asher says, his focus on my wrist now. I wonder how thorough his examination will be.

I consider for a moment Asher's boundaries. He's not one who likes being touched, at least that's something I can garner from knowing him as long as I have. I want to respect that, however he's making things harder on himself by ...being too polite? Or maybe people have always gawked at his arm, maybe he's worried it'll freak me out to be touched by something so inhuman. Maybe he's scared of facing that reality again, as I'm sure he has so many times already. Maybe he's afraid to hurt me, for some reason. Although I've seen him do fine motor things with that arm, so he should have decent enough control over it.   
I don't want to push his boundaries but-

I reach out and rest my hand on top of his metal one. As soon as I do his whole body stiffens.   
"Assistant, what on earth are you doing?" He almost sounds nonchalant but his voice is low, and a bit too quiet for that. He doesn't make to move away.  
"It's okay," I say softly. He looks up at me again, straightening his back to make eye contact.  
"What?"  
"It's okay. I don't mind if you touch me with this hand."

He looks at me, nothing but confusion on his face as if he's trying to process the words I've said. I turn his hand over in mine, tracing the fine machinery with my fingers. He still doesn't make to pull away. From an outside perspective, this scene probably looks...strange. He's holding my outstretched right arm just below the elbow, and I'm reaching with my left arm into his lap to hold his Vex hand. It probably looks rather comical, actually, and I wonder if Nol is watching somewhere.

"Why?" Asher says, searching my face for an answer.  
"I-" I stutter over my words, I didn't expect that question. Why? Because ... I just don't? I don't quite know how to answer that question. It might be cold, but it'd make this a little easier right? I can handle the -202°F temperature on Io, (in my armor, mind you, which is created to withstand the incredible temperatures on different planets), I can handle a little cold metal. 

He shakes his head, and with his metal hand, places mine back on the bed. Then he gently holds my wrist with it while he supports just above my elbow with his flesh hand. His eyes trace the veins beneath my skin as he continues his examination. The metal isn't as cold as I had assumed it'd be, though it isn't warm by any stretch of the imagination. I don't mind it either, even though the room is cold, and I feel naked without my armor, there's a heat in my face that's staving off any chill I should be feeling. 

I'm assuming he's looking for any trace of potential machinoforming. After all, even just touching that Hydra, knowing it could have links with Brakion, could be dangerous. Though I have to wonder if he isn't being...just a bit too thorough. We stay like that for a while, him moving my arm around and making sure there's no trace of Vex technology anywhere. It's completely silent in the hospital room until he sits back.

"It looks like you're okay, for now. Luckily the Axis Hydra didn't seem to be able to alter your genetic compounds," Asher gives me one long look before giving my arm back to me.   
"Thank you," I say to him.  
"Why are you thanking me." It wasn't a question.  
"You were concerned about me," I can't help the smile playing on my lips.  
"I was merely making sure that the potential to succeed in fixing this conundrum with the Vex has a higher chance of succeeding," he scoffs, "but-"

"You're welcome," he looks away, studying something that is obviously not as interesting on the floor. "It's not as though you need me to worry over you, you know. You've got the Vanguard, every Guardian in the Tower, and the entire City concerned about you. What's one more?" He's saying he doesn't think he's important to me. Not in those words, but I gather the meaning nonetheless. He's saying that he doesn't think he matters.

He does matter, but I'm not sure I can find the right words to tell him that. It takes me a moment, and in that moment I can't help but knit my brows together in a worried expression. I'm suddenly thankful that Eris restored my speech even more, because now I can tell him exactly what I want.  
"Some people's opinions matter more to me than other's," I say. It sounds kind of cold now that I consider it, but it's true. I value Ikora, or Zavala's opinion more than just any Guardian despite their Vanguard status. I value Asher's opinion, too. And his opinion is that he's worried about me, and that means a lot, coming from him.

"That's axiomatic and unremarkable!" Asher barks, standing from the chair and making to leave.  
"Where are you going?" I ask before he makes it to the door. It's kind of hard to tell from here, but I think his ears are a few shades deeper than they usually are.  
"I-" He stops, but doesn't turn around, "hm..."

He doesn't know.

"While you wait for Ikora to find a place for you to stay, would you like to come with me to my home?" I ask him, and I don't give him a chance to respond, "there's a really nice coffee shop in my neighborhood." He looks over his shoulder at me just as I stand up. I'm still wearing the form-fitting, black, uniform that comes standard under our armor, and I'm sure my hair is in incredible disarray. I'm suddenly very aware of these things for some reason. 

"Coffee, you say," He grumbles, "Yes, coffee might not be so bad right now." I knew Asher was a coffee man. I've heard the rumors that he drinks it pretty regularly, and it's not hard to imagine him pouring over notes late at night with a cup of lukewarm coffee in his hand. His eyes linger on me as I move to catch up with him, but he doesn't turn around. 

"Assistant-" he starts, and I whirl around to face him. He looks down at me. Without my armor I'm significantly shorter than him. That's a unique feature that all Guardian armor possesses; no matter what height or proportions you might have outside of it, it will always make you the same height as everyone else. I've never thought about questioning it until now.

"Ah-" he seems to realize the height difference when I do, but he doesn't comment on it, "Your actions recently have been...reckless."  
Really? He's going to lecture me?   
"It was unnecessary for you to go after that Hydra alone, and even more superfluous for you to send your Ghost with me and sacrifice yourself. Those kind of actions are what can contribute to your unassailable demise, and that would be a tremendous catastrophe for the Vanguard. I am no stranger to the influence you hold in stopping indomitable threats every other week, however that will cease being the case if you were to permanently die."

All I can do is wait for him to finish. He's right, and I know it. It was foolish and reckless. And the only choice I had. I couldn't just let him die back there, and that Hydra would have killed all of us. It was the safest bet.

"However," oh, he's still not finished, "To say I'm not grateful for your sacrifice would be a disservice to the truth." Is he...trying to thank me?  
"As you know, I do not offer thanks freely. But I'm no stranger to the fact that without you back there I would have definitely expired."  
He is thanking me.

"Asher-" I try to interject but to no avail.

"So," he pauses for effect, and I have a moment to appreciate the brightness of his eyes, "Thank you." 

I can't help the grin that spreads across my face. Seeing him so indignant but willing to thank me is actually really charming.  
"What?" he says, his voice quietly falters, "Why are you looking at me like that?" Just like the grin, I can't help the giggle that escapes my lips, and I reach out to take his hand in mine. His ears turn a darker shade of blue as I do.

"It was worth it," I say, giving his fingers a squeeze before dropping them and turning around to leave.


End file.
